This blog entry is, I guess, more like an open letter to the bride’s mother. Your baby has grown up, somehow, before you have even become fully aware of it. Now she’s planning her wedding, an adventure that doesn’t always include you or your advice or opinions, and it is a little disconcerting to be ousted from that place of honor (‘what do think, Mom?’), and replaced by one or more giggling, loud, sweet, fashion train-wreck bridesmaids who are suddenly dishing out advice to your daughter, when they don’t have enough life experience between them to fill a thimble. And what’s worse, she seems to hang on their every word.
Take heart, Mom. Everything you taught her has not gone out the window. She does hear you, really. This whole planning process is leading up to one of the most important days of her life, and she is trying very hard to figure out what she wants, what she likes, and what she thinks will please her fiance.
Once everyone is on the same page about the budget, the best thing you can do for your daughter is to remember that this is HER WEDDING. When shopping for the bridal gown, offer opinions, but remember that your taste and hers may not be the same. Also, keep in mind that she has to look at photos of herself in her gown for the rest of her life. It should be the gown that she loves, the one that makes her feel beautiful. Be patient and compliment her on the choices that look great on her, and she will trust and seek your advice.
Sometimes suggestions that build on her ideas can help get things back into reality (or back in the bounds of good taste). For example, if she is looking at two colors that really aren’t compatible, you might suggest a color that works well with one of them, or gently lead her to different shades of the colors that may work better together. Then she will feel that it is still her idea, but you have guided her, and given her the benefit of your experience.
Although planning a wedding is often stressful, it can be a wonderful opportunity for both you and your daughter to grow and to nurture that loving bond and friendship between you. A little respect, a little patience, and a little time out can help the inevitable frazzled nerves that may crop up from time to time.
Before you know it, your baby will be a wife, and will be asking your advice again on everything from decorating to cooking.
